There are 7 days, 9 hours, 46 minutes and 46 seconds from the point of which I am writing this until the day I turn 25. It has been a year since I wrote my piece ‘Identity, Religion and Home’-which was officially published btw, woo!-and now the time has come to revisit the subject: summarising how I feel about all my visions and goals.
‘Dream. Believe. Achieve,’ a typical Instagram quote you might find floating amongst your feed. The first time I saw it was on an annoyingly mundane style bloggers merchandise a few years back. At the time, I thought it was fairly inspiring and even believed the sentiment behind it. Now I look at the same words and all I see is a simplification of reality. Yes, of course without dreaming about the things I want I wouldn't know they exist. Yes, without believing in either myself or those things I wouldn't push myself to achieve them… But that quote doesn't account for all the mess which in fact inspires you even more than your dreams do. By mess I mean bad experiences or tough and uncomfortable life situations. This year I have been hurt, taken for granted, disregarded, tested, worst of all my trust has been betrayed and all by people I love or care(d) about. In and amongst all of these instances, I have been learning to acknowledge my strengths and capabilities as an individual.
As well as learning about my capabilities through experience, I am understanding them through observation. Two people I know, one approaching 30 and one who is indeed already 30, have a tendency to pivot. They have all these amazing aspirations, yet they are stagnant, not able to achieve what they truly want because they don't make the necessary moves. So, on top of the bad experiences I have had this year, observing these two has highlighted two important things for me. First, it shed light on how proactive I am and don't give myself credit for and second, I do not want to feel how they do about life by the time I am 30 (which is in 1833 days, 7 hours, 24 minutes and 33 seconds, just FYI).
In answer to last years question, my visions and goals are no longer blurry. I see the new ones and I see the old ones with 101.73 carat diamond clear clarity. Ok, that’s an exaggeration, my life nor my goals can ever be as clean cut as the most clear diamond in the world, but you get my drift. I am grateful for so many things, including the struggles. I have had the privilege of working in Parliament, an opportunity some graduates don't even get (who says you need a degree anymore!?) and because of this I now know I want a career in the third sector, albeit to supplement my desired career in blogging. In turn, I’ve finally mustered up the courage to actually start blogging, with the support of my friend who (as a force of her own) is someone I am incredibly grateful to have in my life. I am also, and maybe strangely so, grateful for my worries. One of my longstanding goals is to nurture a family of my own in spite of the struggle it will be as a woman with Bipolar, given what conceiving entails as a result. That worry provides me with the determination to believe that it will happen one day and to not be broken by what may be. So, new or old, it’s both the positive and the negative experiences I have that motivate my belief in achieving my goals.
I now have 7 days, 7 hours, 7 minutes and 26 seconds until my birthday. What inspires this weeks look? Well, me, duh. Hence the “birthday suit.” Bright, bold and ready for life to throw more shit at me. Might as well look smart while I’m at it, right? Well hey, in another 373 days I’ll let you in on what I have “Dreamt. Believed. Experienced. Cried about. Couldn’t deal with. Achieved.”
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Photography by my girl Hayley Ku’unani @thoualone