Dressing up the Dictionary: Discomfort

I wish I could say that a little bit of discomfort doesn't hurt, but it does. Well, that depends entirely on what we are talking about, in this case I am referring to human interactions. They have the propensity to make you feel so painfully uncomfortable. I have decided that I am going to take to task my approach on what comfort means to me. Just like you can’t have light without seeing the dark, you can't gauge what you're truly comfortable with without going through something uncomfortable.

It’s no secret I am a major introvert, as introverted as one can get basically. As a result it doesn't really come naturally to me to know how to be in social settings. I mean, I don't do stupid things in place of “normal” things, it’s that I don't know what to do at all. Legiterally I’m the kinda gal you'll find quietly observing a situation rather than getting all up in your face. Through interacting with new people lately I have learnt that my INFJ self has built a massive protective wall around me. I don't even put myself out there enough to feel any discomfort, perpetually living in a bubble of my own making. 

Seriously, how do I know for sure that the comfort I have been living with for 25 years is real when it could be because I have been protecting myself against the things that have brought me such discomfort in the past?… I mean, is it REALLY comfort or is it fear? To answer simply; it is largely fear based. I am afraid of being hurt, being rejected and not being liked. So what do I do to not feel those things? Just avoid any situation which may cause them. Obvs. 

Alas, that will be no longer. I have slowly but surely been putting myself out there, doing things I wouldn't ordinarily, even when it has sent me into internal anxiety overdrive. Through any discomfort I am seeing how valuable it is to hold myself in high esteem and understand my boundaries. That within itself is a challenge, because it forces me to see outside of my black and white thinking. Which leads me to this words look; an expression of what is comfort to me in all its monochrome glory. While I embark upon my journey to a grey space, I can at least outwardly project what I am comfortable in, right?

A.x 

Dressing up the Dictionary: Lithium

Lithium

/ˈlɪθɪəm/

noun

noun: lithium; symbol: Li

1 the chemical element of atomic number 3, a soft silver-white metal. It is the lightest of the alkali metals.

◦ lithium carbonate or another lithium salt, used as a mood-stabilising drug.

Needle in. Blood drawn. Three working days. Results. Every three months (if I’m being good about it) I have to go through this process to check the levels of lithium in my system aren’t toxic and are within therapeutic range. It’s strange, right? I’ve literally got the stuff inside batteries running around in my blood. One of my brothers actually told me this officially makes me the Duracell battery habit in the adverts, LOL. Whether or not I want it to be, it is a part of me, and the odd hand tremor here and there serves as an obvious reminder.

I’ve been on the stuff since I was 19, and believe me it’s not been a straightforward journey these past 6 years. It hasn’t been the only medication iv’e been on in an attempt to level out my mood. At one point one of my Psychiatrists had me on 7 different things on top of lithium in one go. It’s safe to say I was one hell of a fat zombie at the time. Now I am just on the one thing, I don't really notice it all that much, apart from having to pop 4 pills of it every night. Doing that has become second nature though. I don't really think about it, think brushing your teeth twice a day, it’s just routine. If you look at me, you wouldn't know that I take medicine let alone know that I have Bipolar. Ultimately the only reason I feel different to others is because said others make me feel that way through their reaction, not because I really am. Anyone living with a mental health related diagnosis will know what I mean, you live with it every single day and in the end it is your normality.

If you've read my blog so far you know the drill by now; this topic features an outfit I have curated to go with. I have opted for the very party season appropriate metallics. I am loving this pewter knit from Zara, it provides a different take on the usual sparkle from sequins and I can’t wait to style it in all sorts of ways. Being the magpie that I am, I have teamed it with my Valentino Tan-go pumps and Fendi Silver Du Jour bag. It all just works together without being OTT. To me this outfit represents what lithium is to me, from the inside out.

A.x

Shop the Look:

  1. Metallic Sweater, Zara

  2. Velvet Bomber, similar here

  3. Metallic Pumps, Valentino

  4. Bag & Sunglasses, Fendi previous seasons

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