Dressing up the Dictionary: Discomfort

I wish I could say that a little bit of discomfort doesn't hurt, but it does. Well, that depends entirely on what we are talking about, in this case I am referring to human interactions. They have the propensity to make you feel so painfully uncomfortable. I have decided that I am going to take to task my approach on what comfort means to me. Just like you can’t have light without seeing the dark, you can't gauge what you're truly comfortable with without going through something uncomfortable.

It’s no secret I am a major introvert, as introverted as one can get basically. As a result it doesn't really come naturally to me to know how to be in social settings. I mean, I don't do stupid things in place of “normal” things, it’s that I don't know what to do at all. Legiterally I’m the kinda gal you'll find quietly observing a situation rather than getting all up in your face. Through interacting with new people lately I have learnt that my INFJ self has built a massive protective wall around me. I don't even put myself out there enough to feel any discomfort, perpetually living in a bubble of my own making. 

Seriously, how do I know for sure that the comfort I have been living with for 25 years is real when it could be because I have been protecting myself against the things that have brought me such discomfort in the past?… I mean, is it REALLY comfort or is it fear? To answer simply; it is largely fear based. I am afraid of being hurt, being rejected and not being liked. So what do I do to not feel those things? Just avoid any situation which may cause them. Obvs. 

Alas, that will be no longer. I have slowly but surely been putting myself out there, doing things I wouldn't ordinarily, even when it has sent me into internal anxiety overdrive. Through any discomfort I am seeing how valuable it is to hold myself in high esteem and understand my boundaries. That within itself is a challenge, because it forces me to see outside of my black and white thinking. Which leads me to this words look; an expression of what is comfort to me in all its monochrome glory. While I embark upon my journey to a grey space, I can at least outwardly project what I am comfortable in, right?

A.x 

Dressing up the Dictionary: Aloof

Switch off. Shut down. Isolate. Disengage. Whatever you want to call it, it’s all a part of being aloof.

I have found myself in this mode for various different reasons. As I sit down to write this, I am feeling an overwhelming sense of wanting to hide away and honestly just not bother. It very rarely has anything to do with having no motivation or willingness to engage, it’s actually quite the opposite. Believe me, I want to, for the better of myself and my future pursuits, but sometimes the world we live in and the people around us leave me feeling at a loss about how to do it.

Over the years, I've learnt how to force myself to take part in all the things I need to even when I don't want to. Buuut there are times when you just can’t keep up the facade anymore. Ironically, even when I am not intentionally being aloof I somehow give off the impression I am, however, it’s for a far more deeper reason like being catastrophically depressed. Either way, I guess it has a part to play in my existence whether I want it to or not.

This time round, I find myself asking “why is there a total lack of honesty and transparency in so many layers of my life?” Everywhere I turn there is never ending confusion whether that is at home, with individuals at work and in my social life or with my blogging pursuits on social media. Where do the lies end? When do things start to make sense? How do I stay really really true to myself?

I don't have the answers to the above questions and I don't consider myself a saint in the matter either. Because of all these things it really isn't any wonder why one would like to turn off the switch button, shut down the mind from external exposure, live in a cocoon of isolation and disengage with “reality.” Consider this look a fashionable take on the conspicuously uninvolved, if you will.

A.x

Shop the look:

  1. Patent Trench Coat, Similar here (RAINS at net-a-porter.com)

  2. Flared Black Jeans, J brand, Similar here

  3. Black Cropped Sweater, J Crew, Similar here (& Other Stories)

  4. Platform Leather Boots, Zara (on sale now!)

  5. Sunglasses, Le specs Similar here

Dressing up the Dictionary: Life

Life; the existential topic which often leads you down this vacuous hole of both wonder and disappointment along the way.

I’m definitely not even going to attempt to break down what it any time soon. Instead, you know how these days it’s a big deal to keep a gratitude diary? Well I want to share with you some of the things I am grateful for in my life.

If it weren't for the quirks that make me laugh until my asthmatic wheeze is in full force, I would be a pretty miserable soul through and through. I am so grateful for my sense of humour, over the past year it’s really kept me going. Queue Reggae Shark. If you know, you know. So, ordinarily everything I wear I source carefully and think about in depth before purchasing, but on this occasion the Reggae Shark t-shirt was a complete no brainer and I needed it immediately. My friend and I stumbled upon him in the realms of Youtube, and found ourselves in total hysterics. Now he lives in my wardrobe, and I am totally happy for him to be a part of my ever expanding (seriously, running out of space guys) clothing collection.

Verheyen London Emerald Long Line Leopard Print Coat

Something I am learning ever so slowly but surely is to believe in myself and my capabilities. Patience is a virtue as is known so widely, and I am holding on to that notion because in time I hope my capabilities pay off, literally. Now I've embarked upon my journey as a blogger I am understanding the feeling of believing in what I do with full force. This is cemented by insanely beautiful brands like Verheyen London taking interest in what I have to offer, and I am really thankful and proud to be wearing their stunning Long Line Leopard print coat in emerald for this shoot.

This outfit is a representation of my life as I know it now. I am feeling the growth in my self esteem more and more (who knew a luxury coat could do that for you!?). This coat is an emblem , of positivity which I don't always believe is there, but I need to despite it hiding in the shadows. If I could summarise in any way what life is about, it’s a matter of taking things as they are and in my stride while knowing that having patience will always pay off. After all, you can only see where life is taking you as it unravels with each step, living in the present one day at a time. To the unknown! Of which I am grateful for what it teaches me as my life unfolds.

A.x

Shop the Look:

P.s. For a dose of total random hilariousness, here is the aforementioned and legendary Reggae Shark!

  1. Green Leopard Print Coat, Verheyen London

  2. Reggae Shark T-shirt, Ebay

  3. Lady Dior Lambskin Large bag, Dior

  4. Pointed Silver Cap Ankle Boots, Topshop

Dressing up the Dictionary: Animalistic

One trend this A/W 18 I have been so on board with is animal print. I have always loved it and in all honesty, I used to have an apprehension about wearing it before now because it’s so bold. The kind of bold which gets you perplexed looks on the tube… I mean, it’s not as if I have been wearing anything zany, it’s just that people can dress so boringly these days and aren't used to seeing something different. As a result of the trend blowing up right now my wardrobe is, not so slowly, filling up with various animal print patterns ranging from leopard to snake with the odd feather in between. I’m literally obsessed.

On a deeper (and maybe more obscure) note, I chose the word Animalistic for this look not just because of my obsession with the print, but also because these days I like animals more than I do humans. Don’t get me wrong, I love my friends and family, but people in general can just be so… meh, basically. I sometimes look at my cat Mink and want to be her instead of being a human. Life just looks so much easier for her. She gets fed, she has a big old house to roam around in at her pleasure, she gets to sleep all day and she basically doesn't have to worry about anything. Also, let’s face it, when a cat is sleeping the levels of ultimate comfort and coziness are majorly enviable.

As Doris Day once said: '“I’ve never met an animal I didn’t like, and I can’t say the same about humans.” Yes, Doris, yes. I feel you.

Alright, obscure note aside, I have opted for a very instagrammable outfit this week (if I do say so myself). This Zara snake print skirt is hitting the nail on the head with the animal print trend, and I love the tones and the smaller details like the buttons along the top. I decided to pair it with a very cozy black jumper from Acne Studios, which I shrunk in the wash, but you know what? It totally works and I still love it. To finish the look off I wore my winter go to over the knee boots (they kept me so warm!) and oversized shearling jacket to add a masculine contrast to the femininity of the skirt.

I mean, you just can’t go wrong with a bit of animal print in your life, and more importantly you certainly can’t go wrong with loving animals. If wearing the print is the closest I will get to being one, then yeah I am totally on board. Thank you A/W 18!

A.x

Shop the Look:

  1. Black Wool Jumper, Acne Studios

  2. Snake Print Skirt, Zara

  3. Suede Over the Knee Boots, Stuart Weitzman

  4. Sunglasses, Celine Similar here

  5. Bag, Gucci

Dressing up the Dictionary: Maintaining

If there’s one thing I find very difficult, it’s maintaining things.

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That’s because my mood disorder has a plan of it’s own. Cue journal excerpt dated 16.07.18: “It is really hard to maintain or upkeep the use of journalling… Even though I understand it’s cathartic value, I don’t like that it doesn't make things feel better instantly… The irony is I'm so obsessed with maintaining what I set out to do.” I pretty much left it there and didn't revisit the subject again, until now.

Why now? Because I feel at a loss with everything I am doing, and I am exhausted by my expectation of instant gratification. The same sentiment of wanting to feel better straight away has trickled down to my pursuit of becoming a lifestyle blogger. Honestly, I didn't think about what maintaining the process would really entail. I quickly learnt that there is a shady side to the community of lifestyle bloggers; nearly all of them are buying their followers and engagement. It explains why trying to drive in the traffic to my own website and Instagram has been so damn slow. We live in a world where everything is instantly obtainable, and it would seem cheating your way to get there is the norm.

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Excuse me, but I did not work that much harder to prove myself and my capabilities against all odds, to be told that paying my way into things is “all that matters.” Well, guess what? MY EXPERIENCE IS MY WORTH. If anything, the people I went to school with (think rich beyond realms imaginable and then quadruple that amount) have encouraged me to do the exact opposite of buying your way through life. Granted, it would be lovely to amble along Bond Street purchasing whatever I want, but I want that to be something I have TRULY earned. You don't go to work expecting to pay you're way through it. Everything you EARN (not buy on a dodgy website) pays for all that you do: Commuting, check. Morning coffee, check. Going out, check. Eating, check. The clothes on your back, check. Travelling, check. Car, check. Bills, check. Everything, check. Did you pay your boss to give you all that? *cough* Didn’t think so.

Maintaining my path to a blogging career is proving to be super hard, it will probably induce some kind of mental breakdown, but I am willing to take that risk. Haha, I just realised what being passionate about something really feels like, #growingup. It’s a combination of feeling sick and insanely high levels of determined all at once. I’ll continue feeling this way and putting all my hard work into what I do, because I believe I can do it WITHOUT LYING to everyone who decides to follow me. As a result, I will be thankful you're a human and not a damn bot.

*Sigh* All I know is if there is one thing I can maintain, it’s my honesty, both with myself and my followers. I would rather that then simply have a number (because that’s all it is) on my platforms just for appearance sake. If it fails, wearing all black-a tone that will never go out of fashion-and drinking coffee will have to be maintenance enough.

A.x

Shop the Look:

  1. Chunky Knit Sweater, H&M Similar here

  2. Faux Leather Skinny Trousers, Zara Similar here

  3. Suede Ankle Boots, Topshop

  4. Wool Biker Coat, Sandro

  5. Bag, Stella McCartney