I’m not the biggest fan of co-ords unless they come in the form of a suit, but this AW19 I figured I’d try to find one I am a fan of…Read More
Being able to chuck on one thing and go when I am getting dressed genuinely makes me happy. The ease of it all is just perfection and with boiler suits cropping up in all manner of designs, I think I am going to be feeling happy most of AW19…Read More
Switch off. Shut down. Isolate. Disengage. Whatever you want to call it, it’s all a part of being aloof.
I have found myself in this mode for various different reasons. As I sit down to write this, I am feeling an overwhelming sense of wanting to hide away and honestly just not bother. It very rarely has anything to do with having no motivation or willingness to engage, it’s actually quite the opposite. Believe me, I want to, for the better of myself and my future pursuits, but sometimes the world we live in and the people around us leave me feeling at a loss about how to do it.
Over the years, I've learnt how to force myself to take part in all the things I need to even when I don't want to. Buuut there are times when you just can’t keep up the facade anymore. Ironically, even when I am not intentionally being aloof I somehow give off the impression I am, however, it’s for a far more deeper reason like being catastrophically depressed. Either way, I guess it has a part to play in my existence whether I want it to or not.
This time round, I find myself asking “why is there a total lack of honesty and transparency in so many layers of my life?” Everywhere I turn there is never ending confusion whether that is at home, with individuals at work and in my social life or with my blogging pursuits on social media. Where do the lies end? When do things start to make sense? How do I stay really really true to myself?
I don't have the answers to the above questions and I don't consider myself a saint in the matter either. Because of all these things it really isn't any wonder why one would like to turn off the switch button, shut down the mind from external exposure, live in a cocoon of isolation and disengage with “reality.” Consider this look a fashionable take on the conspicuously uninvolved, if you will.
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noun: lithium; symbol: Li
1 the chemical element of atomic number 3, a soft silver-white metal. It is the lightest of the alkali metals.
◦ lithium carbonate or another lithium salt, used as a mood-stabilising drug.
Needle in. Blood drawn. Three working days. Results. Every three months (if I’m being good about it) I have to go through this process to check the levels of lithium in my system aren’t toxic and are within therapeutic range. It’s strange, right? I’ve literally got the stuff inside batteries running around in my blood. One of my brothers actually told me this officially makes me the Duracell battery habit in the adverts, LOL. Whether or not I want it to be, it is a part of me, and the odd hand tremor here and there serves as an obvious reminder.
I’ve been on the stuff since I was 19, and believe me it’s not been a straightforward journey these past 6 years. It hasn’t been the only medication iv’e been on in an attempt to level out my mood. At one point one of my Psychiatrists had me on 7 different things on top of lithium in one go. It’s safe to say I was one hell of a fat zombie at the time. Now I am just on the one thing, I don't really notice it all that much, apart from having to pop 4 pills of it every night. Doing that has become second nature though. I don't really think about it, think brushing your teeth twice a day, it’s just routine. If you look at me, you wouldn't know that I take medicine let alone know that I have Bipolar. Ultimately the only reason I feel different to others is because said others make me feel that way through their reaction, not because I really am. Anyone living with a mental health related diagnosis will know what I mean, you live with it every single day and in the end it is your normality.
If you've read my blog so far you know the drill by now; this topic features an outfit I have curated to go with. I have opted for the very party season appropriate metallics. I am loving this pewter knit from Zara, it provides a different take on the usual sparkle from sequins and I can’t wait to style it in all sorts of ways. Being the magpie that I am, I have teamed it with my Valentino Tan-go pumps and Fendi Silver Du Jour bag. It all just works together without being OTT. To me this outfit represents what lithium is to me, from the inside out.
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Do you ever feel like your surroundings are engulfing you? I know I do. They influence how I think, how I feel and certainly how I dress. Over the years my style has adapted to the surroundings I have been in and as a result, it has changed invariably. I like exploring how an outfit can fit in with it or go against the grain.
When I was at an all girls secondary school, everything I wore was about fitting in with the people around me. I fell into the awful trap of brightly coloured Ralph Lauren polo’s-shoot me-that epitomises that private school “chic.” Moving on to sixth form college is where my style really started to come into it’s own, it has definitely evolved six years on, but they were the years that taught me a thing or two for the now. I was surrounded by kids whose bank accounts knew no bounds. An example of this was girls with a different Birkin bag for each day of the week, believe me, that is no exaggeration. My love for luxury goods was born here (and never died, LOL) and it marked the occasion I bought my first timeless piece, the Chanel 2.55 bag which I still use to this day, duh.
Being at MPW, the college in question, taught me so much about how my individuality could be expressed through my outfits. I wanted to have a part in all the luxury but I didn't necessarily have the funding for it like the rest. So, I learnt how to make any outfit I wore look luxe just by how I presented it. I practice the same thing today by mixing high end with the high street. Style is, in my mind, all about adapting to where you are while maintaining your individuality. Clothing aside, I definitely felt being at that college started to engulf my entire identity. With hindsight, I can see how it did that, but I can safely say because of that it has taught me not to be entirely eaten up by everything around me. Instead, I use my surroundings as muses to inspire how I want to look at any given occasion, place or time.
Speaking of feeling engulfed, for this weeks look I have gone for an elevated and up to date version of what I would have put together if I were at college. From the jacket to the boots, everything is from Zara, a definite favourite high street store. The accessories are where the luxe comes out to play, wearing the very Chanel bag I mentioned and have had for 10 years. I decided to visit the area the college is in, exploring all the mews’s once more to shoot for this post. A place I was once engulfed and encapsulated by, revisited with a new stance and a fresh set of eyes.
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