I wish I could say that a little bit of discomfort doesn't hurt, but it does. Well, that depends entirely on what we are talking about, in this case I am referring to human interactions…Read More
Switch off. Shut down. Isolate. Disengage. Whatever you want to call it, it’s all a part of being aloof.
I have found myself in this mode for various different reasons. As I sit down to write this, I am feeling an overwhelming sense of wanting to hide away and honestly just not bother. It very rarely has anything to do with having no motivation or willingness to engage, it’s actually quite the opposite. Believe me, I want to, for the better of myself and my future pursuits, but sometimes the world we live in and the people around us leave me feeling at a loss about how to do it.
Over the years, I've learnt how to force myself to take part in all the things I need to even when I don't want to. Buuut there are times when you just can’t keep up the facade anymore. Ironically, even when I am not intentionally being aloof I somehow give off the impression I am, however, it’s for a far more deeper reason like being catastrophically depressed. Either way, I guess it has a part to play in my existence whether I want it to or not.
This time round, I find myself asking “why is there a total lack of honesty and transparency in so many layers of my life?” Everywhere I turn there is never ending confusion whether that is at home, with individuals at work and in my social life or with my blogging pursuits on social media. Where do the lies end? When do things start to make sense? How do I stay really really true to myself?
I don't have the answers to the above questions and I don't consider myself a saint in the matter either. Because of all these things it really isn't any wonder why one would like to turn off the switch button, shut down the mind from external exposure, live in a cocoon of isolation and disengage with “reality.” Consider this look a fashionable take on the conspicuously uninvolved, if you will.
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It’s a New year and I have a whole new set of expectations. They can fall flat or be exceeded and until things happen you forever live in the unknown. I used to get the worst anxiety about a year ending and not knowing what was going to happen, but not this time. 2018, to quote Ariana Grande, thank you, next. I am so ready for all the challenges I will face this year, especially because I have found my footing with what I want for myself. So what is it exactly that I expect in the year to come, you ask?
What I learnt last year is there really are two things which remain a constant: change and of course, your expectations. In fact, they totally work hand in hand. Everything you expect is always changing but you have them nonetheless. Of course, change is an inevitable fate and it doesn’t cease to exist. What 2018 really opened my eyes up to is the notion of “anything can happen.” It was the things I least expected (or didn’t at all for that matter) which changed so much for me, including what I expected from myself.
I expect to push myself outside of my comfort zones, to try and explore the things I love doing and not stay home so much (as cosy as it is), to learn, to love and most importantly I expect to be valued and to value myself.
I am excited to see where this year takes me, especially now that I have embarked on this blogging journey. At the beginning of 2018, I didn’t anticipate I would be doing what I am doing now. But by the end of 2019, with my new path and a clearer direction, I expect to see a growth from the hard work I put into writing (and shopping hahaha) in my pursuit to dress up the Dictionary. Plus, it means I get to hang out in très très chic places like this one (The Hari) which always makes for a great photo. For this words look I wanted to portray what expectations can look like in literal way. Just your every day jumper and jeans but with the addition of those red bottoms as a symbol of what I expect for myself; the very best.
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Pink Mohair Jumper, H&M
Straight Leg Jeans, Topshop, Similar here
Pointed Sling back heels, Christian Louboutin, Similar here
Doing it for the gram, every single day…
We are all living in this world via social media, more or less. It’s what “real life” has become and it’s all just a tap away on your phones screen. As a result, it’s really hard to distinguish what is actually real and what isn’t, the line is so blurry that we are thinking our own lives aren’t good enough because we are comparing ourselves to what we see of others all. the. time. It begs the question, how much of what I present to you is really true of myself?
Well, I want to keep things as real as possible, but I know there are certain tricks of the trade which mean I inevitably give off the impression my life is a certain way, when perhaps it might not be. That’s not to say that what I put out on social media didn’t happen, it just may not be happening that very moment.
So, for this blog my outfit and location is about keeping it really real with you. We shot on the streets I walk on everyday in West Dulwich where I live, and my outfit is one I wear all the time, whether a photo of it is taken or not. You can’t go wrong with all black and a touch of gold! With it being winter, this is my go to jacket and has been for years now. I practically live in it. All in all, and on a daily basis, I like clothes you can just chuck on without much thought and yet look totally chic anyway.
Yes, I curate an image of myself that I present to you. Yes, I work from home so you know what? Most of the time I am in loungewear (I think my next post will a guide to loungewear, as a self proclaimed expert in that department!). Yes, it’s me in the photographs, I am not catfishing your asses. YES I do own and cherish all the things you see, but they don’t make me who I am in my entirety. These photos don’t capture the nitty gritty, the struggles and the anxiety. I know I know, it’s unlikely anyone shares those things in their lives on social media because they are very personal. Nonetheless, I am telling you that they are there, nearly all of the time. Just because I share carefully chosen snippets of my life does not mean that I live a perfect one. Who does!?
Life; the existential topic which often leads you down this vacuous hole of both wonder and disappointment along the way.
I’m definitely not even going to attempt to break down what it any time soon. Instead, you know how these days it’s a big deal to keep a gratitude diary? Well I want to share with you some of the things I am grateful for in my life.
If it weren't for the quirks that make me laugh until my asthmatic wheeze is in full force, I would be a pretty miserable soul through and through. I am so grateful for my sense of humour, over the past year it’s really kept me going. Queue Reggae Shark. If you know, you know. So, ordinarily everything I wear I source carefully and think about in depth before purchasing, but on this occasion the Reggae Shark t-shirt was a complete no brainer and I needed it immediately. My friend and I stumbled upon him in the realms of Youtube, and found ourselves in total hysterics. Now he lives in my wardrobe, and I am totally happy for him to be a part of my ever expanding (seriously, running out of space guys) clothing collection.
Something I am learning ever so slowly but surely is to believe in myself and my capabilities. Patience is a virtue as is known so widely, and I am holding on to that notion because in time I hope my capabilities pay off, literally. Now I've embarked upon my journey as a blogger I am understanding the feeling of believing in what I do with full force. This is cemented by insanely beautiful brands like Verheyen London taking interest in what I have to offer, and I am really thankful and proud to be wearing their stunning Long Line Leopard print coat in emerald for this shoot.
This outfit is a representation of my life as I know it now. I am feeling the growth in my self esteem more and more (who knew a luxury coat could do that for you!?). This coat is an emblem , of positivity which I don't always believe is there, but I need to despite it hiding in the shadows. If I could summarise in any way what life is about, it’s a matter of taking things as they are and in my stride while knowing that having patience will always pay off. After all, you can only see where life is taking you as it unravels with each step, living in the present one day at a time. To the unknown! Of which I am grateful for what it teaches me as my life unfolds.
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